In 1607, Captain Pouch led thousands of people across the Midlands, tearing down enclosure fences and creating a right bally-hoo-ha.

September has been an important month for vegetables.

If the allotment rules were elaborate to the point of extreme — the punishments were worse.

A small warning before we start. This one is written a little differently — the structure and rhythm wander about rather more than usual, well skid, out of control, all over the place actually — because when I wrote it normally it sounded just like a whinging bicycle.

After centuries of argument and debate Britain, via Parliament, had finally defined the allotment:''A piece of ground no larger than forty poles, cultivated mainly by its occupier to produce fruit orvegetables for himself or his family''.

September is doing a remarkably good impression of summer. Unfortunately, something rather extraordinary is happening about 6,000 miles away.

Four hundred years ago, Captain Pouch wanted a potato patch.

So this is not the most interesting post I have ever done. However it does show progress that might be expected in optimal conditions - the last week or so has been a couple of days of rain with sunny days and warm nights in between.

Every winter we prune a lot of fruit trees. Every winter we also meet trees that somebody has had a spirited go at themselves. Sometimes the results are perfectly respectable. Sometimes you stand underneath one wondering what it did to deserve it.

So the results are in!

*This photo is actually 100% real, no AI or CGI or Photoshop - It just shows the garden immediately after the described repair work was finished, to see what it looked like the following afternoon after 13 hours solid rain, read on...