There is a freedom and huge joy in wriiting your own blog, in that it is utterly unconsequential as to the simple fact that you are talking only to yourself, and yet anyone in existence can hear it if they wish but then it is up to themselves what they so wish to do with it. In other words we are all as useful, uselss and pointless as Slugs.
Astonishingly, despite this revelation and the suggested notion that humans have only been 'civilised' for 12,000 years, this being the point that we foretolded the emergence of Clarksons Farm series 4, the term ‘Slug’ appears to derive from a slow and lazy person, not longer than 400 - 500 years ago. Anglo centric hisory - Henry VIII?
In actual fact slugs are just snails too lazy to carry their own shells. So lazy that, according to a late night indolent search of google, they gave up 500 million years ago . There should be a gag here about it being 499 something million years too late or early but then but I cant be bothered to work it out and am too apthetic to care. What is weird though is this cant be true because lettuce is only 5000 years old, so perhaps that is why they are so damn hungry!
Though slugs may seem like an extreme nuisance, especially to gardeners or anyone, anywhere, everywhere, they apparently actually play some important roles in our ecosystems. Here's what they're supposedly good for:
Decomposers: Slugs break down organic matter, feeding on dead plants, fungi, and decaying leaves. This helps recycle nutrients back into the soil, enriching it for other plants.
(Thats before they then eat all the other plants - good start then throw it all away, see England cricket XI) 1/10 stars
Food Source: Slugs are a crucial food source for a variety of animals, including birds, frogs, toads, hedgehogs, and beetles.
(Eat something else, who goes for a slug first on the menu? Are all frogs French? 2/10 stars
Soil Aeration: While moving through the soil, slugs can help aerate it, albeit to a lesser degree compared to earthworms.
(Worms are better in everyway, just get on with the job, no 'can' about it, and dont eat Dad’s cabbages) 0/10 stars
Fungi Dispersal: Some slugs eat fungi and, in the process, help disperse fungal spores, aiding the growth and spread of beneficial fungi that support healthy ecosystems. (Some people only eat mushrooms, I am told that they do not contribute anything to society and have to go to the toilet fequently) 0/10 stars
So scoring 3 points out of a possible 40 or 7.5 out of 100, almost enough for a Labour government super majority or wierdly exactly the same percentage of people in the whole world who vehemently dismiss the notion of a God. So it follows that slugs are godless, socialist, nihilistic, hypocrits who claim to have a purpose but then dont really and just show their true selves by taking as much as they want as soon as they can. Arsenal / Taylor Swift tickets anyone?
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